disgRACE 2

Ok, we get it – brains are not what mainstream, big-budget, bollywood movies are for. There might be something for every other organ, may be, but brains, please leave them at the entrance. And try (unlike me) to forget to pick it up when you leave the hall, when you come out of Race 2.. If you do end up taking your brain back, you might end up ranting as follows:

Abbas Mustan are no Vishal Bhardwaj or Mani Ratnam. They claim to direct commercial potboilers that  intend to entertain. But whether they entertain you intentionally or unintentionally is subjective. As for me, I haven’t been entertained this much in the recent past. I saw Aakash Vani just a day before, and I must confess, that the questionably entertaining Akash Vaani was a better movie than Race too.. I mean Race 2, too.

Yes.. It is a make believe world, but they would like you to believe it is reality. Much like reality shows insisting they aren’t scripted. Of course the film has concept cars and concept gadgets. Read this: Sis and Bro (John and Dips) are Poker cheats like none others – They play sitting next to one another. Deepika always wears glasses  and has a mobile in her hand.. They have devised cheat playing cards that have sensors (what!!??) which get activated by “human touch” – when everyone else on the table pick their cards, the sensors send a HD quality graphic signal to the insides of Deepikas sunglasses (again, what!!!??) – which she can read while she still has her glasses on, btw  – and then the amazing senso-techno-wierdo-mobile technology helps her change the cards that her brother is holding, so they can jointly loot the table. Holy Technocheats! Ripley’s effing believe it or effing not!

That’s not it – there are concept cars – a car that when launched in the air defies physics (and logic) and releases four  (mind you FOUR) parachutes that ensure a safe landing.. (you know, in the likely incident that you want to open the aeroplane doors in mid air and dive the car in sky). Oh, did I mention it is a swanky convertible! There is also a concept-gift-box, a concept-engagement-ring and so on.. But I won't completely ruin it for you, if you do end up watching it.. It is fun! Poor J K Rowling thought of wands and charms, when in a Abbas Mustan movie, magic is a way of life for bloody muggles.

In a stroke of revolutionary characterisation, Abbas Mustan come up with what I want to call “concept people” Yeah.. No, do not get me wrong, it is not film about a superhero – no robot, no superman – Abbas Mustan are not a Shankar or Speilberg either. I think the phrase might be “Superdude”. He  doesn’t wear undies over his pants to begin with. The tattoed muscle man – Saif – is a dude unlike any other. Designer glasses, Jackets, Overcoats, umbrellas, watches, the styling can give a supermodel a run for his money. But you know his super quality? He is like Sumitra-kaaki from Devdas – jo hamesha mauke par pahunch jaati hai!

He manages to reach anywhere he wants, anytime he wants. Be it in the bathroom closet of naked man who he has figuratively royally f***ed in the casino world. Or a taekwondo practice room of someone else’s sparsely dressed girlfriend. “Are you flirting with me or complimenting me?” shes asks a besotted stubbled dude (with a Kareena tattoed in his unassumingly flaunted hands) “Both” he says..

Are they kidding us or fooling us, I ask. Both, I say!

And while the superdude is mourning the death of his wife and chasing down the man who blew his Ferrari, he has enough time and motivation to sleep around with one girl, flirt around with another who claims to be his sis-in-law.. Let me not talk much about John (If-abs-could-act) Abraham – who make the aeroplane look like a better performer – at least it twisted and turned.

The babes? Dressed in costumes with high slits and low necks – Deepika is always ramping like she were in the pageant world – she is quite the Miss India in the movie. Take this – she translates dollar value of the billion dollar scams into rupees for the Indian audience – while it looks like she would never have stepped on the Indian soil. Not to forget, the memorable speech in HINDI to a completely firang audience before she declares the floor (and her costume) open for some party! And Jacquiline gives a memorable performance as a girl who wore lingerie-like costumes throughout her life in any given situation. In a plot filled with characterless characters these women are a shining beacon of everything a girlfriend should not be.

There is also the insane cop turned businessman Anil Kapoor who brings back old school comedy with his “Turkey ki tharki” assistant Ameesha – who play Cherry (yes, there is the cherry popping joke in the film). Their fruitilicious chemistry (?) is an ensemble of all fruit-innuendo jokes that would have been going on whatsapp on a working day. But whatever you do, please don’t miss Anil Kapoor dancing in the Allah duhai hai song.. He dances his ass off and how.. (and whyyyyyy!) Respect the artist, pity his choice of role.

Signature twists and tunrs – true to the original Race franchise. Warning –buy your pop corn in time, if you step out of the hall for more than 2 minutes, the hero and villains would have interchanged! As if the misery wasn’t enough, the movie ends with a promise for a potential sequel. Cant wait!

If you don’t know, the movie is running housefull at every theatre near you. To me the most humbling part of the movie, was the interval, where they screened the trailer of Himmatwala set to release in a few months. A humble reminder that a stupider film might soon come and be a bigger hit.

Reminds me  of the famous lines of the Like Ego, the food critic from the movie Rattatouile – the harsh reality is  that “in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is more meaningful than our criticism designating it so.” In his own words I have only one word to tell Sajid Khan and/or Abbas mustan – Surprise me!

DisgRACE 2 J