Dibakar Banerjee is the “Star” of Bombay Talkies.

I don’t understand why “Bombay Talkies” is hailed as a celebration of 100 years of Indian cinema when it strictly has short stories by Bollywood directors. How great it would have been to see regional short films with subtitles and truly celebrate the diversity that exists even within Indian Cinema? Perhaps the producers didn’t want to completely risk the film’s commercial potential – an innately “bollywood” trait. Sigh.

Having said that, the films do not pay “tribute” to 100 years of Bollywood either, but present the new face of bollywood with a subtle reference to cinema (or its influence) in each story. Take this - Karan Johar’s direction come “out of the closet” – Now that's a first for bollywood and a A-list director.

For me Johar’s “Ajeeb Daastan..” and Zoya Akhtar’s “Sheila ki Jawani” are equal as the third best films of the lot; lead closely by Anurag Kashyap’s “Murabba”. While each of these films achieve a standard above the Bollywood  median, it is Dibakar Banerjee’s “Star” that is by far the best film of the lot for me, by a HUGE margin. (I do not remember the last time when 20 minutes of cinema has worked for me at so many levels!)

***

Have you read Satyajit Ray’s Short story “Patol Babu”? It is the short story that Dibaker Banerjee has adapted into the ~20 minute short film in Bombay Talkies, titled “Star”.

Dibakar takes the essence of the short story and reinvents it with riveting details. Patol Babu becomes Purandar. It takes you a long time to realize he has been an unsuccessful actor – something that Ray’s short story starts with. Dibakar instead, lets the audience watch his struggle. We see an insomniac man reminded by his alarms that he longer needs to pretend that he is peacefully asleep. Life must now resume.

We meet Anjali, the emu, we meet his neighbours who cant mock enough at his failures. We see his sick daughter who isn’t amused with his stories anymore. We also see him reach a tad bit late and lose a job as a watchman – (which he graciously (?) lets go).

Dibaker does not let us sympathise with the character but simply shows us a slice of his life. So when he is picked from the crowd to play an extra-role at a crowded movie location, or when he hopefully unfolds the paper to read his dialogue, the audience is simply laughing at the simpleton. Amused at what fate offered him today, just another day.

But it isn’t just another day. This isn’t just another nameless cameo in a film. Certainly not a meaningless one – for there is nothing meaningless in theatre, in films or in life.

Purandar almost gives up on the role that only requires him to say “Ae!” on colliding absent mindedly with the lead actor, he walks away when a voice stops him and asks him, “Not enough, this dialogue for you, eh?”

It is only after we see him in dialogue with a ghost (from his past), we learn that Purandar is a failed actor, who failed to struggle, who waited for something bigger to come by. When his tragic flaw is exposed, the audience is torn between the melancholy of his failures and the opportunity and hope of the present. Will he be the underdog? Will he find himself? (Not to forget that in his brief role as the ghost from the past, we rediscover Sadashiv Amrapurkar, who finds himself in the most dignified 5 minutes on celluloid of his career – a great actor, who never got his due amid all the villains he played.) But the film belongs to Nawazudin’s Purandar.

The audience is left to see what transpires of Purandar. New found hope, improvisations, make-up – he is suddenly a “performer”. While the renowned actor needs a few takes for the perfect shot, Purandar is a single-shot wonder. It’s a take!

But what happens to him after the shot? Poor he may be, but he doesn’t wait for his payment, for he has found something far more precious.

Could the drums beat any faster on his way back home? Could he fly home? He is in a trance, enthused, possessed by the idea of appreciation - a rediscovery. Like someone with a fading memory suddenly remembered something special. Like you found something that you had lost hope of finding.

The last few minutes of the film are filled with silence and expressions – a simple flute plays and lets you watch the performance after the performance. Infectious spirit of Purandar lights up the room, brings smiles. Purandar’s accomplished theatrics cajoles his daughter into a peaceful slumber. Not much has changed in his life – but tonight Purandar will sleep in peace.

***

In it’s structure, treatment, content and execution – the director leaves no doubt that he is on top of his game. If god lies in the details, this film is a temple – in cinematography, art, costume, dialogue –this is a heartfelt effort – worthy of every superlative. Do not miss the emu in the background of the ghost sequence, the patchy make-up of the ghost, and so on..

I am moved, inspired and in awe of Dibaker Banerjee’s Star – way above the other three films in Bombay Talkies and a great piece to celebrate 100 years of cinema – aptly bringing back some Satyajit Ray touch back to the cinema – via Bollywood!

disgRACE 2

Ok, we get it – brains are not what mainstream, big-budget, bollywood movies are for. There might be something for every other organ, may be, but brains, please leave them at the entrance. And try (unlike me) to forget to pick it up when you leave the hall, when you come out of Race 2.. If you do end up taking your brain back, you might end up ranting as follows:

Abbas Mustan are no Vishal Bhardwaj or Mani Ratnam. They claim to direct commercial potboilers that  intend to entertain. But whether they entertain you intentionally or unintentionally is subjective. As for me, I haven’t been entertained this much in the recent past. I saw Aakash Vani just a day before, and I must confess, that the questionably entertaining Akash Vaani was a better movie than Race too.. I mean Race 2, too.

Yes.. It is a make believe world, but they would like you to believe it is reality. Much like reality shows insisting they aren’t scripted. Of course the film has concept cars and concept gadgets. Read this: Sis and Bro (John and Dips) are Poker cheats like none others – They play sitting next to one another. Deepika always wears glasses  and has a mobile in her hand.. They have devised cheat playing cards that have sensors (what!!??) which get activated by “human touch” – when everyone else on the table pick their cards, the sensors send a HD quality graphic signal to the insides of Deepikas sunglasses (again, what!!!??) – which she can read while she still has her glasses on, btw  – and then the amazing senso-techno-wierdo-mobile technology helps her change the cards that her brother is holding, so they can jointly loot the table. Holy Technocheats! Ripley’s effing believe it or effing not!

That’s not it – there are concept cars – a car that when launched in the air defies physics (and logic) and releases four  (mind you FOUR) parachutes that ensure a safe landing.. (you know, in the likely incident that you want to open the aeroplane doors in mid air and dive the car in sky). Oh, did I mention it is a swanky convertible! There is also a concept-gift-box, a concept-engagement-ring and so on.. But I won't completely ruin it for you, if you do end up watching it.. It is fun! Poor J K Rowling thought of wands and charms, when in a Abbas Mustan movie, magic is a way of life for bloody muggles.

In a stroke of revolutionary characterisation, Abbas Mustan come up with what I want to call “concept people” Yeah.. No, do not get me wrong, it is not film about a superhero – no robot, no superman – Abbas Mustan are not a Shankar or Speilberg either. I think the phrase might be “Superdude”. He  doesn’t wear undies over his pants to begin with. The tattoed muscle man – Saif – is a dude unlike any other. Designer glasses, Jackets, Overcoats, umbrellas, watches, the styling can give a supermodel a run for his money. But you know his super quality? He is like Sumitra-kaaki from Devdas – jo hamesha mauke par pahunch jaati hai!

He manages to reach anywhere he wants, anytime he wants. Be it in the bathroom closet of naked man who he has figuratively royally f***ed in the casino world. Or a taekwondo practice room of someone else’s sparsely dressed girlfriend. “Are you flirting with me or complimenting me?” shes asks a besotted stubbled dude (with a Kareena tattoed in his unassumingly flaunted hands) “Both” he says..

Are they kidding us or fooling us, I ask. Both, I say!

And while the superdude is mourning the death of his wife and chasing down the man who blew his Ferrari, he has enough time and motivation to sleep around with one girl, flirt around with another who claims to be his sis-in-law.. Let me not talk much about John (If-abs-could-act) Abraham – who make the aeroplane look like a better performer – at least it twisted and turned.

The babes? Dressed in costumes with high slits and low necks – Deepika is always ramping like she were in the pageant world – she is quite the Miss India in the movie. Take this – she translates dollar value of the billion dollar scams into rupees for the Indian audience – while it looks like she would never have stepped on the Indian soil. Not to forget, the memorable speech in HINDI to a completely firang audience before she declares the floor (and her costume) open for some party! And Jacquiline gives a memorable performance as a girl who wore lingerie-like costumes throughout her life in any given situation. In a plot filled with characterless characters these women are a shining beacon of everything a girlfriend should not be.

There is also the insane cop turned businessman Anil Kapoor who brings back old school comedy with his “Turkey ki tharki” assistant Ameesha – who play Cherry (yes, there is the cherry popping joke in the film). Their fruitilicious chemistry (?) is an ensemble of all fruit-innuendo jokes that would have been going on whatsapp on a working day. But whatever you do, please don’t miss Anil Kapoor dancing in the Allah duhai hai song.. He dances his ass off and how.. (and whyyyyyy!) Respect the artist, pity his choice of role.

Signature twists and tunrs – true to the original Race franchise. Warning –buy your pop corn in time, if you step out of the hall for more than 2 minutes, the hero and villains would have interchanged! As if the misery wasn’t enough, the movie ends with a promise for a potential sequel. Cant wait!

If you don’t know, the movie is running housefull at every theatre near you. To me the most humbling part of the movie, was the interval, where they screened the trailer of Himmatwala set to release in a few months. A humble reminder that a stupider film might soon come and be a bigger hit.

Reminds me  of the famous lines of the Like Ego, the food critic from the movie Rattatouile – the harsh reality is  that “in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is more meaningful than our criticism designating it so.” In his own words I have only one word to tell Sajid Khan and/or Abbas mustan – Surprise me!

DisgRACE 2 J

2012 Bollywood Summarised: Oh womaniya.. Aha Womaniya..!

Let us not talk of box office figures. Please. There’s a khan-dani monopoly there. Let us also not talk about awards. (No offence to those deceased and alive) but there is an oh-so-predictable formula to find yash  at such events and win “Awards of the year”.

Let's shift focus to content. Let’s talk about unforgettable cinematic moments that won’t leave us for a long long time. And when I sit back and recall, 2012 looks like a year when a handful of women made a huge amount of difference. These weren’t sporadic highlights in one stream of cinema, but a consistent display of excellence in various streams. Here are some such wow moments and the women behind them:

Women of bollywood 2012: I am not only talking about actors or technicians alone. Even in terms of characters and portrayal of women this year at the movies. Be it a gutsy real-nameless Mrs Baagchi of Kahaani or a earthy Shalini Sahay in Shanghai, they have had a more meaningful presence on screen than in previous years. It is almost like script writers are beginning to unearth the many layers that women can have. For starters, the characters seemed more human and not caricatures. Needless to point out, that this year – after a really really long time – the category for best actress might be more competitive than the best actor. (But let us not talk of who may win awards, after all). But if an award was constituted for the most original portrayal of women in cinema it would be this:

The drunk-but-not-sunk Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in Vicky donor: 

Raw, rifely playful and unashamed, I cannot like their camaraderie enough. “Aaj chhad nahi rahi hai”, says the widowed daughter in law. While the sheer shock value of these scenes made them hilarious, the underlying winner is the portrayal – so far, a woman drinking on screen meant one of two things -  either a romantic fantasy (remember Cognac sharab nahi hoti – from Chandni) or just a sign of mental derangement arising mostly out of failed relationships and leading to complete insanity. But two women (a Saas-bahu combo at it) simply chilling out in their suburban semi-pucca home in Dilli while discussing their “problems” is such a fresh portrayal. Of course, the actresses (especially Kamlesh Gill as Biji) take all the credit for the impact of the scenes.

Music - finally there is someone who can potentially change the game, and it’s a woman! After Roja in 1992, which completely changed how the audiences perceived what sound and music can do to cinema, we have another "perspective". Unassumingly uncompromisingly and undeniably ORIGINAL.

Make way for Sneha Khanwalkar – the music director of Gangs of Wasseypur.

A fusion artist Avant-garde, Sneha makes an impression by just being herself. It is not the usual fusion - not the MTV coke studio fusion, not the world music Grammy kind of fusion, hers is a fusion of sensibilities and sensitivities.

Of course she had already shown sparks of brilliance with “Oye Lucky, Lucky Oye” or LSD, but with Gangs of Wasseypur she went all out – like an artist armed with an idea, she paints the canvas with both madness and method; and such detailing that you haven’t seen before; an imagination unlike any of her contemporaries.  Mixing rustic voices with urbane messages with modern recording techniques, adding a twist of bollywood or an occasional bhojpuri tadka, she makes a delightfully shocking cocktail that no can resist.

Direction – She isn’t the only female director to find success with her debut film, or the first one. But she is probably the only woman to make a movie about a woman as her first film and to find both critical and commercial success. Gauri Shinde has emerged as a director to watch out for with her debut film English Vinglish.

I have praised it enough, and still not enough. A deceptively simple story, executed with a mind that doesn’t lose focus from movie’s soul, not overwhelmed by the pressure of creating a comeback vehicle of the film’s leading star, English Vinglish brims with poise and confidence and quite simply makes a point. She shares credit for the film in her own words with the editor of the film – another woman, Hemanti Sarkar, who handles the climax with adept thought – not letting it fall into a mundane linear end. Only one question for Shinde: What next?

Performance(s)

Vidya Balan – take a bow. You made us believe in a Kahaani. When that kick was blown into your “pregnant” womb towards the end of the movie, the whole theatre felt your pain. But your remorseless eyes in the very next shot, began to give the audience a new story and your eyes are such story tellers! Last year you were the Dirtiest of them all and this year your motherly-mother-india-isque character in Kahaani, wins you critical acclaim that can now conveniently be called the Vidya Balan niche.

Priyanka Chopra – ok, I have to admit I have been on the fence about her performance in Barfi! I am unable to classify if she was autistic or just mentally challenged, or if she meant to portray one but ended up portraying the other, (simply out of lack of subject matter expertise at my end). But if I just look at the movie and accept that she played a Special girl Jhilmil, she completely makes Jhilmil endearing. She gives Ranbir a run for his money for screen presence, without over doing.

Saving the best for the last, it is safe to say that any review of the best of 2012 cannot be complete without mentioning the greatest comeback in Bollywood among women – Sridevi. Sridevi’s Shashi Godbole, wins you over from Screen 1 and you end up cheering every small success of the protagonist. Rarely comes a performance that defines a movie where the actor and the character seem inseparable. (The last I can remember is Kareena in Jab We Met) - It felt like no one else could have played that role – let alone with such .

Ladies, you have wowed us this year and left us craving for more. For a year where item numbers continued to compete and yet substance wasn’t left far behind, I have only one last thing to say: Oh womaniya.. Aha womaniya.. !

English Vinglish - how sweet, how savory, how sridevi!

Is it just a coincidence that Gauri Shinde’s chose her protagonist to be an “entrepreneur” of Laddoos? A Laddoo looks deceptively simple, but is just as difficult to make- ever running the risk that it might turn over-sweet, a little carelessness and the look might be unwelcoming.  And that’s how much thought and care Shinde puts into the movie – there is so much love, care and detailing she pours into every frame that she, like the character in her film, ensures a perfectly brilliant looking, delicious and yet not over-sweet film.

No. This is not a complicated film – there is no disability at its core, there is nothing shattering about the pathos of the character, but yet, there is everything relatable about the character of the movie. Shashi (Sridevi) is your typical Indian middle-class housewife – who is made feel incompetent simply because she struggles to throw an English phrase or two at a breakfast table. Or if she insists that the English teacher speak to her in Hindi.  So what if she makes the best laddoos in the world and have a small business of her own - Can she say “Jazz” without embarrassing her family?

The ever so inferior feeling Shashi, takes the gutsy step to visit the US a few weeks ahead of the rest of her family for her nieces wedding. And there begins a journey – a series of random acts of kindness from strangers who seem to belittle her weakness and not her. Enter Amitabh Bachhan who reminds her in a stellar cameo, that as Indians we have so much to be proud of that not knowing English, is hardly a concern – let alone being an inhibiting complex that’s stopping Shashi from enjoying her first experience in “the” United states of America.

And what an experience it is. As quirky as Man-hat-tan is for a tourist, even ordering coffee can be a traumatic chaos for a Pune housewife – who just wants sandwich and Nescafe. There is embarrassment coupled with an unrelenting search for self-worth that persuades Shashi to join English “tuition” – her little secret project.

Day one - and she learns she is not just a housewife who also makes laddoos but an entrepreneur –the most dignified interpretation of her existence the recent times. The tuition itself is a motley bunch of stereotypes (?) – ranging from a gay teacher, to a Mexican nanny, a paki cabbie, a south Indian techie et al. In the classroom Shashi is the smarter cookie (aka Hermoine of Harry Potter) always the one asking intelligent questions, bringing idlis to a craving south Indian. Unsurprisingly, the French Chef (Mehdi Nebbuo) falls for her – calling her face two drops of coffee in a cup of milk. Shinde casts a competent cast and gives them substantial meat so they don’t get overshadowed by the shining leading lady.

But does Shashi need love? Or just some respect? Whether she succeeds in earning her family’s respect or will she go back to being a housewife “born to make laddoos”?

Gauri handles these questions in the subtlest and most sensitive manner. There is not one moment of over dramatization. Not once does Shashi “strike back” like a vengeance to prove a point, but the grace with which she tackles her “final exam” leaves both her family members and the audience in awe of her. She doesn’t want rapturous applause (which the audience gives her anyways) – but simply speak her mind in simple (almost clean) English.

Helped by some excellent writing and dialogues, the film not once loses its grip. The music is a part of the narrative and lyrics interpret the situation well – the small triumphs of the title track and the little fears of parting from the family in Dhak dhuk, leave a lasting impression. The cinematographer presents uses a palette that compliments the film with a timeless grace. Particularly, Shashi’s awe of watching New York for the first time translates beautifully on screen.

Once known as the female Amitabh Bacchan, Sridevi returns to the silver screen to remind us why we missed her. In absence of stalwart leading ladies like her (and others of her time like Shabana in 80s or Madhuri in 90s), we have learnt to believe that women only need to be pretty arm candies, or at max have 1 or 2 melodramatic sequences in a movie, but quintessentially – she needs to be an item girl.

Trust Sri to break that mindset, once and for all. It won’t be overstatement to say that in ~ 130 minutes, Sridevi delivers more acting than we have seen in 130 movies in the last decade by so called actresses. Here’s hoping she is cast in many such roles. And remember, this isn’t everything we know she is capable of – the film doesn’t completely exploit her comic timing or her ability to dance. There is so more we expect to see of her.

Gauri Shinde  - take a bow. Another lady director has brought in a perspective, without being too artsy. You are master chef yourself and you know your recipe like you’ve made movies forever– all ingredients are in perfect sync and the flavor is impeccable. It is an amazing treat and meant to touch every person with a heart. Enough said – please start writing your next movie. Can’t wait to see what you do next.

Like a laddoo you don’t want to miss and repent all your life – you better grab a bite soon!

Ek Tha Cinema!

Ek Tha Cinema
K J Kartik


No. I haven't seen Ek Tha Tiger, but it doesn't stop me from believing in my gut which says it will , at best, be a mediocre film, full of unbelievable stunts that the can-be-christened-rajnikant-of-bollywood Salman Khan has done with a cockiness and expression that can put even Mr Bean to shame. But how does it matter. Just like it doesn't matter what the critics have to say, to determine if the film should work or not.

I cannot pin point when this started to happen - when did it stop mattering whether or not, the film is good, for it to succeed. It makes me, well, jealous!

Believing in the old and almost childish school of thought of meritocracy, I have lived to believe that he who deserves, gets success. That one must excel, to be rewarded. That content matters. These recent spate of so called "100 crore club" films have me wondering, if that really means anything.

RA.ONE, declared unanimously as a flop by all critics, still holds records of highest single day grossing. A barrage of Salman films - bodygaurd, wanted (to name of few) - make me squirm in disbelief on the fact that these are commercial successes. While intelligent films like Saheb, Biwi aur Gangster and Shor in the city, bite the dust. Why, even Chalo Dilli, was a better film than these mega-grossers. In recent years, the film that could get a cult status for its take on bachelor life - Pyaar ka Punchnama - is probably seen as a failure.

"These are brainless entertainers", I have heard many proclaim. It makes me wonder about the mental health of Indian audiences (me included). Has India, the melting pot of IT and ITES, made work-life so stressful, that we long for a weekend of Brainless entertainment. I say this with confidence, because I saw Rowdy Rathore and enjoyed it. I saw it TWICE - but it was in a week that I can describe as the most stressful week of my career so far!.. Thats what made me try and draw this macro megatrend - more stress in the audience, the more the likelihood of brainless movies raking the mullah. I also distinctly remember Kaminey being shunned by many a audiences for being "needlessly over intelligent".

Sheer starpower is enough to make movies work. If there is Salman, it is a 100 crore blockbuster. If there is Shahrukh, it will get there with above-below-over-the-line-over-markerting. If there is Aamir, at least he will dole out some worthy content, but he is sure to get an opening comparable to the other two. Akshay and Saif are still children of the lesser god - their movie collections still depend (however marginally) on their content.

And the worst is the bandwagon of self proclaimed superhits - read all of Sajid Khans films - each competing to be more brainless than the previous one. Yet that wont stop the anchor-turned director from establishing how his movie is the 10th most or 7th most or 2923245th most successful film of all times. Subtle, no?

In all this, I have learnt the euphimistic phrase that they now use for good cinema - multiplex movie. Meaning - show it on a small screen for just 1 or 2 shows per day, it will find a steady audience. Example: Do Duni chaar, PKP, Gulaal, GoW, and so on.. The combination of a commerical success and good content are few and far between - the latest being Kahaani - and thats at least 8 months old now. Do I foresee anymore in the recent future? Nope.

I have high hopes of English Vinglish, whose trailer promises to be a feel good heartwarming story with an actress who doles acting that we havent seen on celluloid for ages - but at best, it will be a "multiplex" movie. From its trailer, Heroine, seems to have content, but one that we have seen before - from the same director - over and over again. It looks like a new cast, a new theme, but in the same template. And then there is the Yash Chopra romance. I have really high hopes of it, but it has Shahrukh Khan - he has made me believe in the recent past that he is a better marketer than an actor, and the more he markets his films the worse they are. I hope Yash Chopra - the legend who has given us such unforgettable movies as Silsila, Kabhi Kabhi, Deewar, Lamhe - manages to make a film as good as Dil toh Pagal hai or Chandni and not a star spectacle that his last film Veer Zaara was.

But there is no speculating the box office fate of Khan-starrers. They will be hits. Their fans (and they themselves) will argue that they have earned this status. That their bank-ability is merely the output of years of work that has continued to build their fanbase. So is my supposed anger directed to the fanbase? Am I asking to be massacred? I am simply pointing to uneven playing ground that has become our cinema.

Like everything that goes wrong in a democracy eventually gets blamed on the public who put the leaders in power, same with box office collections, which are after all a yardstick of audience acceptance. And like I hate the public who bestow power on undeserving leaders, I hate audiences which make superhits of bad content. But in a democracy, I at least feel I can VOTE to express my individual opinion. What can I do for the movies? Blog? :)

The Big Bluff called “reality TV”

Highly inspired by Big Boss and helplessly irritated with the whole idea of reality, here is the layman guide to reality TV. Here’s presenting my version of “7 reality checks for Fake TV”.. Ooops, I mean Fake checks for reality TV.

1. 1. The “sob” : Be it Kapil Dev or the aam aadmi, there something very magnetic about watching someone cry on TV. And what the viewers like, the channel lovvvvves… They are not as much concerned with the genre of their show, but want to ensure that there is enough “Masala” to survive in the Primetime battle. So be it singing, dance or anything else, it is oh-so-important to have at least one element of “human interest story” in that one hour. Wonder how many contestants who have participated feel that their emotions have been exploited for TRPs?
2. 2. The “love story” of the show: ..Like any Indian Primetime show, even if it is a cooking show, can be complete with mushiness and lovvvvvve…. Out of nowhere, and obviously scripted infatuations spring into the reality TV shows.. Be it Judges or hosts no one can escape the “fan who is dying” to meet them. Funniest is the sight of watching the wannabe permanently semi clad femme fatales of Splitsvilla faking it towards the end of the season.. Remember the Saakshi-Siddhart Fake-a-thon on Splitsvllla.. ROFL
3. 3. The “Vides ka maal”: “Mujhe Indi Nayi Awti..”, says an embarrassed ABCD contestant in his not so real American accent, to loud awes and guffaws among hosts, co-contestants and even a fake laughtrack sometimes. Our channels deserve the award for diversity as they ensure that with all the billions of unemployed youth, it is still difficult to find the top 10 dancers, singers, whatevers in our own land! Off they go hunting for “Talent” amongIndians whose ancestor chose to leave this mitti where suddenly the second or third or nth generation are evidently dying to participate – the umbilical cord ? Or the longing for 60 seconds to fame? And tell me if I am wrong, these are often the contestants who don’t even TRY to win, because really, what is a few lakh Rupees INR really in USD or GBP.. after tax, of course.. Sigh..
4. 4. The surprise “Wild card”: Not so surprising comebacks are made typically by the alleged favorites of the judges. From Rakhi Sawant to Dolly Bindra – it is clear that the channel wants the TRP material contestants back on the show. The joke is when the Wild Card rounds in talent shows have marked difference in the performance levels of the first and the rest of the contestants. Can you blame them.. the channel has paid for the full hour, you see!
5. 5. I Fake-Quit : “Mai ye show chhodke Ja raha/rahi hu” cut to vignette… shocked contestant, shocked co-judge – super slow-mo of the quitting judge rising from the seat… the host looks a the cameraman and “acts” like the means to say cut… BREAK… welcome back after the break, and there has been a miraculous recovery!.. WHATT!!! It is as if the urge to quit the show, was a knee jerk reaction to wanting to pee for a long time and the co-judges yapping on and on without letting the shot cut! Or a false labour pain..
6. 6. The Marketed Difference… A call from the contestant to his parents is a Vodafone call.. a winning shot is a Kodak Moment.. The doors of the Big Boss washrooms have a fake-smiling John Abraham… These are probably the most real examples of the most important element of television – advertisers, who mean business. So while Amitabh asks computerji to phone a friend, he is advertising Idea. While you think the performer of the week is receiving a gift, a smartphone is being promoted. It’s tiring how every real task of the week, is a marketing gimmick and its only getting more detailed and sillier.. Perhaps soon enough, the undergarments and lingerie of Big Boss contestants could be seen as marketable commodities by advertisers… Will that be a bad thing, after all… ;)
7. 7. Winner hardly matters… Very anti-merit and very anti-popularity, the results of our Reality show don’t matter, like the points of three judges. Rakhi Sawant lost all reality shows she has participated in, but she is the biggest winner, after all. Dolly Bindra, Sambhavna Seth (and pre-predicting this years loser - Pooja Missra) are other examples from Big Boss seasons who hardly won and it hardly mattered because they were the essence of the show. Ditto with talent based shows, which never go with the obviously clear winner on merit, but in the real world the better stars go on to make it big – Does anyone remember who won SaReGaMa the year which Kunal Ganjawala was a runnerup.

So there you go..! Spot any of these 7 gimmics and you know you are watch “reality TV”. Can you think of any more?

Bodyguard – Rajni redefined?

From the-flexing-biceps move in the title song, to the jump from train to another train to an overhead bridge; to the way the his boss at “Tiger Securities” introduces his credentials – within the first ten minutes of the movie, there is a sense of cockiness that one has learnt to associate with Rajnikant’s (and now Salman’s) movies. The tone is set for what you expect to be an out and out action film, with action sequences ranging from incredulous to well-choreographed to downright hilarious.

Was it with “Wanted” that Salman learnt he had a untapped and unexplored Rajni Quotient within him? That combination of cheeky humor, super heroic stuntability (and looks and body that take him beyond Rajni in a way) makes him a big hit with his already mad fan base. So let’s make it clear – irrespective of what I or the critics or Salman (or even Rajnikant thinks) thinks of this film, it is bound to be a hit. The formula works for sure – even if the same formula comes from the same guy not as rarely as Eid ka chaand ;) (Speaking of cockiness).

Is a good film? That’s a new thread all together:

Well, It is not a pathetic film at all - I speak from using that phrase for the other big hit of the year “Ready”. This one has a plot – however ludicrously dependent on creative liberties it may be – it does have a plot that is Bollywood. The problem for me, is that there are 2 (or is it 3) plots and subplots running in parallel.

First of course is the bodyguard plot who is trying to save Kareena Kapoor whose life is in danger for reasons beyond the script writers realm – and in true Scary Movie style, given a choice to run towards danger or safety, the heroine will choose Danger again and again, creating templates for Bodyguard action – who takes it very personally if anyone does him a favour. LOL.

Then there is the love story between Kareena and Salman, which is cute for sure, filled with songs and dance(s). And a unrequired comedy track, a silly friendship/betrayal track, a loyalty and identity track, so on and so forth. The BIG problem is that each of these plot seems to run in silos and the it never comes together as film. The action is too strong to call it a love story, the love story too shallow to pass of as a romantic film. So in the end, after the action sequence in the climax, one wonders why there a new (and forced) Kuch Kuch Hota Hai twist to the film – to drive this to the quintessential “Happy Ending”.

Performances? It’s a Salman film and Kareena is just a bit more than an arm candy. The rest of the cast and acting is incidental. Music? We’ve heard better but not to say this isn’t Impressive – a case in point that Himesh Reshamiya should stick to what he is good at –Composing Music. Shreya Ghoshal and Rahat Fateh Ali Khan lend their voices to the most haunting melody of the year (so far) - Teri Meri Prem Kahani.

To sum it up. It is better than Ready and makes Dabanng look like a great film J. Does that say it all?

2.5 stars