The Big Bluff called “reality TV”

Highly inspired by Big Boss and helplessly irritated with the whole idea of reality, here is the layman guide to reality TV. Here’s presenting my version of “7 reality checks for Fake TV”.. Ooops, I mean Fake checks for reality TV.

1. 1. The “sob” : Be it Kapil Dev or the aam aadmi, there something very magnetic about watching someone cry on TV. And what the viewers like, the channel lovvvvves… They are not as much concerned with the genre of their show, but want to ensure that there is enough “Masala” to survive in the Primetime battle. So be it singing, dance or anything else, it is oh-so-important to have at least one element of “human interest story” in that one hour. Wonder how many contestants who have participated feel that their emotions have been exploited for TRPs?
2. 2. The “love story” of the show: ..Like any Indian Primetime show, even if it is a cooking show, can be complete with mushiness and lovvvvvve…. Out of nowhere, and obviously scripted infatuations spring into the reality TV shows.. Be it Judges or hosts no one can escape the “fan who is dying” to meet them. Funniest is the sight of watching the wannabe permanently semi clad femme fatales of Splitsvilla faking it towards the end of the season.. Remember the Saakshi-Siddhart Fake-a-thon on Splitsvllla.. ROFL
3. 3. The “Vides ka maal”: “Mujhe Indi Nayi Awti..”, says an embarrassed ABCD contestant in his not so real American accent, to loud awes and guffaws among hosts, co-contestants and even a fake laughtrack sometimes. Our channels deserve the award for diversity as they ensure that with all the billions of unemployed youth, it is still difficult to find the top 10 dancers, singers, whatevers in our own land! Off they go hunting for “Talent” amongIndians whose ancestor chose to leave this mitti where suddenly the second or third or nth generation are evidently dying to participate – the umbilical cord ? Or the longing for 60 seconds to fame? And tell me if I am wrong, these are often the contestants who don’t even TRY to win, because really, what is a few lakh Rupees INR really in USD or GBP.. after tax, of course.. Sigh..
4. 4. The surprise “Wild card”: Not so surprising comebacks are made typically by the alleged favorites of the judges. From Rakhi Sawant to Dolly Bindra – it is clear that the channel wants the TRP material contestants back on the show. The joke is when the Wild Card rounds in talent shows have marked difference in the performance levels of the first and the rest of the contestants. Can you blame them.. the channel has paid for the full hour, you see!
5. 5. I Fake-Quit : “Mai ye show chhodke Ja raha/rahi hu” cut to vignette… shocked contestant, shocked co-judge – super slow-mo of the quitting judge rising from the seat… the host looks a the cameraman and “acts” like the means to say cut… BREAK… welcome back after the break, and there has been a miraculous recovery!.. WHATT!!! It is as if the urge to quit the show, was a knee jerk reaction to wanting to pee for a long time and the co-judges yapping on and on without letting the shot cut! Or a false labour pain..
6. 6. The Marketed Difference… A call from the contestant to his parents is a Vodafone call.. a winning shot is a Kodak Moment.. The doors of the Big Boss washrooms have a fake-smiling John Abraham… These are probably the most real examples of the most important element of television – advertisers, who mean business. So while Amitabh asks computerji to phone a friend, he is advertising Idea. While you think the performer of the week is receiving a gift, a smartphone is being promoted. It’s tiring how every real task of the week, is a marketing gimmick and its only getting more detailed and sillier.. Perhaps soon enough, the undergarments and lingerie of Big Boss contestants could be seen as marketable commodities by advertisers… Will that be a bad thing, after all… ;)
7. 7. Winner hardly matters… Very anti-merit and very anti-popularity, the results of our Reality show don’t matter, like the points of three judges. Rakhi Sawant lost all reality shows she has participated in, but she is the biggest winner, after all. Dolly Bindra, Sambhavna Seth (and pre-predicting this years loser - Pooja Missra) are other examples from Big Boss seasons who hardly won and it hardly mattered because they were the essence of the show. Ditto with talent based shows, which never go with the obviously clear winner on merit, but in the real world the better stars go on to make it big – Does anyone remember who won SaReGaMa the year which Kunal Ganjawala was a runnerup.

So there you go..! Spot any of these 7 gimmics and you know you are watch “reality TV”. Can you think of any more?